One of my friends and I were having a conversation about relationships recently.
“You know what will be great about heaven?” I said as I pointed out the hope, “when we get to heaven we will get to be friends with all of the ones we have lost or never had a chance to have along the way. And we will be perfect so no drama!”
“Yeah. And you know what else will be great about heaven? There won’t be any dating. Want to know how I know there won’t be dating? Because the Bible says there won’t be any weeping or gnashing of teeth.”
A while ago I talked about the question of, “Are people worth it?” which now I usually have decided that they are. However, now I often find myself asking, is dating worth it? I have seen few friends attempt the cultural oddity and come out unscathed. Most have had enough bad experiences that I do not need to focus on all the hurt pain and ‘darkness’ that can come with the territory.
Instead, in light of my last few posts on light and darkness, I want to share just a little hope. Hope that is there even with all the negative issues that may arise, and hope that can be applied to all relationships in which there is a loss—either from a broken relationships, friendship or other, or just after saying goodbye.
Idina Menzel is the wonderful singer that sings the hit song “Let it Go” from Disney’s Frozen. (The irony of that song alongside dating is intended) As the first Disney princess I ever wanted to marry, when I found out she sung a lot of other songs I immediately looked them up. I found one song, “Better to Have Loved.” The song is marginal, but the lyrics are poignant. Better to, “fall into the earth for a trip into the sky.”
This song, though intended romantically, pushes forward the idea that the light is worth the darkness. That good in the world is always worth fighting through everything that is bad, and that we should do that good whenever possible. The good in the song being love, the bad being the loss of the object of affections.
I had a good conversation with another friend recently where he told me a story about the Christian musician, Keith Green. Keith Green, in reference to his wife, (paraphrase) “Even if I had never had the chance to marry her, I would have been thankful just for the opportunity I had to know her.”
The only change I would make (If the paraphrase is in fact correct) is that it is worth it to have the chance to love whomever it may be that we lose. It is not dependent upon who the other person is, but a thankfulness that we have the opportunity to love another. I am thankful for every instance I have had in which I am able to love any and all of my friends, past or present, here or there, whole or broken. Loving them is the good I love in and of itself.
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Out of Darkness Into the Light
The answer to the darkness is never to stay in the darkness. The hurts and pains in our lives can never be fixed, or soothed just by talking about them. When I share with my friends my darkness, my hurts, pains, and everything that is wrong with the world, I need a listening ear and I need to hear their stories. But it cannot stay there.
For years I my relationships with people revolved almost solely with exposing and working through hurts and pain. When I found myself in a relationship with someone who had difficulties in life, but who did not need deep probing questions, did not need someone to sit and hold them in the darkness, I didn’t know what to do. She would be sad, I would listen, and then they she be fine. Or would have been if I had not kept digging. She had talked herself out of depression, and was drawn to the light more than the darkness. I did not know how to have a relationship with her, or anyone else that didn’t need, what I call, commiseratory, darkness wallowing rescuer .
Other friends I knew were drawn to the darkness. I would listen and commiserate. They were all too eager to keep going back, and bringing up more and more hurt and pain. Because I wanted to ignore my own pain and hurts was very quick to live vicariously through them. I know it did them good to have a friend, but I could do them better.
Part of this does come from my struggle to enjoy the world just because. I struggle with enjoying people just because they are them. (Which my purple friend is greatly helping me with) I am learning though. I know that it is good to listen and sit in the muck with people for a while. But you can’t stay there. There must be some good, enjoyment, happiness, love, that moves us forward. For some, all they need is the innate goodness of a relationship with someone that cares to listen and understand. For others though, they need something more.
I propose trying an adventure, playtime, laughter, tickling, happy stories and the color purple. Go outside and experience something new. Give your friends a relationship with you, and the rest of the world worth cherishing. Because it is not our relationship with the darkness that defines us, but the relationship with the light.
Reflecting God
Previously I talked about understanding loving God as obedience and enjoying life. I would like to summarize these with the proposition that the life worth living is the one that reflects the character and nature of God. If we know who God is, then we can live the life we want to.
Rather than try and urge people to just obey God in order to love him, if we focus on reflecting his nature, we include both direct obedience following his created order. We need to have a mindset that seeks to follow his design in creation. If we are only seeking to follow law, then what are we to do with the myriads of grey areas we run into on a daily basis?
For example, if I am to reflect the nature of God in my finances, I am going to give money to those in need, I will avoid debt, I will not stress over finances, and I will save for a rainy day. Giving money reflects God’s love and care for those in need. Avoiding debt follows God’s wisdom of not being bound to another human being. Not stressing shows faith in God’s providence and mimics the faith in God’s plan that Christ had. Saving for a rainy day comes from an understanding that God has made us finite and we have no idea of what will come tomorrow.
Reflecting God’s character, at least for me, helps to reduce the stress of individual decision. My goal is not to make the exact right decision every moment of my life. My goal is to as a whole act out God’s character and nature as much as possible. So where it comes to things that are not moral, I think of the organization and order in God’s creation.
Part of enjoying God’s creation is enjoying it on his terms, even when the sinful way is temporarily more pleasurable. Part of our faith needs to be in the goodness of God as expressed through his order.
For example, Scripture makes it clear that all forms of sexuality are to be saved for marriage. There are however no prescribed rules of physicality in dating. We have not rule of whether holding hands, kissing, cuddling, groping etc. are okay or not. God designed it so that sex means marriage. If you have sex, you are married. If we understand God’s nature as a holy devoted God to his people, and his view on marriage, then it is very simple to reflect God’s complete devotion to covenants by keeping ourselves from all forms of sexuality before marriage.
Though the Church continually rallies “no sex” there is a long list of un-Christ-like behavior between holding hands and sex. So, enjoy life through following God’s character, even if it means forgoing pleasure in the moment.
Life Worth Living: Purple vs Green part ii
Life Worth Living: Purple vs. Green part ii
Purple. Green. Yellow. Purple. Or green. Why should I like purple or green? Or purple instead of green. I often wonder why people like anything. If I was an evolutionary naturalist, it would make sense for me to question such things.
After all, according to evolution, every aspect of a person is the sum total of all of the random chance that came before me. My emotions are merely the sum total of my biochemistry, (genealogical input) plus the stimulus I receive. If I like purple, it is because I have been condition that way. If I believe that it is better to work hard than be lazy, it is because of my upbringing. A romantic evening is all random chance and physics.
However, I am not an evolutionary naturalist, I believe in a living Holy God who deeply loves his people. He has given them the whole expanse of creation to enjoy, and has given His only Son in order to draw us into a perfect relationship with Him. But I get hung up on the eternal focus. Why bother with the imperfect when the holy awaits? After all, we already established that the wicked will prosper and the righteous will perish. Children will cry, and lovers will be broken.
But here is the catch, here is what I cannot escape even though I feel that I am often running. Christ’s love finds us, his creation, in our sin and imperfection. God did not wait to love us until we were made perfect. “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” While we were imperfect. He is also continuing a good work in us until its completion in the day of Christ.
Even though the world is broken, as the tears of a single child make it that way, it is still meant to be loved. God knew his creation would fail, and become imperfect. Yet he made it anyway. He also knew that his creation would cause him deep pain, as to love deeply is to be hurt deeply. And he still chose to create us, and love us.
I feel a call to love everything God has made. To run in the wind and enjoy the sun. To climb, (or kiss) trees and enjoy the sunset. To laugh at nothing like a little child simply because Christ has chosen to love, and one of his gifts is the world around us. Imperfect, but enjoyable because he is working redemption despite the brokenness.
And yet. As I look at a beautiful morning sunrise, that slowly changes the clouds from pink, to purple, I am afraid of that love. The love that I have no control of. It is there because it desires to be there. I cannot earn it. I cannot make a claim on some higher principle that it should always love me. But I must rely on the Love of God Himself. Just as God swore by himself to Abraham, and Abraham trusted him, I must make the leap of faith that his love will not leave. And in that peace, I can enjoy his creation.
Life Worth Living: Purple vs. Green
Life Worth Living: Purple vs Green part iii
In my last post I shared that it is only in God redeeming the world by loving us while we were still sinners that I may enjoy creation. However, this understanding is part of a struggle I deal with daily. I waft to and fro between believing it and acting on it with joy and peace, and despairing at the monotony of life. It God’s use of other people in the body of Christ that I have had the biggest move towards understanding his love and redemption.
I have a problem. I have a personal fear that all of my wrongs and mistakes will be held and accounted against me. It is not just wrongs within a certain incident and the time frame it takes to resolve it. I remember mistakes I made when I was five.
I went shopping with my mom one day, and as we were checking out I wanted to be helpful so I turned around to the people behind us and without asking began to try and move their groceries onto the conveyer belt. As I grabbed a loaf of bread and felt its softness squish just a little, I also felt a firm uncomfortable grasp around my arm as he stopped me from helping. He was angry. I felt awful for not asking. This memory will periodically pop into my head. Even now as I write this I feel some sense of regret over the incident.
I have one very close friend that I have had for many years. With this friend I share my heart. My hopes, fears and dreams. My friend both celebrates with my success, and mourns with me in my sorrow. Unfortunately I made a long series of sinful choices that hurt him/her deeply. My friend had every right to be angry, and cut off the relationship. However, I vividly remember, one late Saturday afternoon, as we both stood leaning up against my car, we talked. I was asked how I was doing, “Fine” I replied, then, “How are you really doing” I fought back tears as I confessed I was doing terribly. Throughout the conversation it became obvious I regretted and felt anguish over my decisions.
“You know I forgive you right? I was angry, and pissed, and I cried. But I forgive you. I don’t regret any of the decision I made, and I do not regret being friends with you. I still love you and forgive you.” At this point I began crying. It didn’t occur to me then, but this conversation changed my whole outlook. I have been forgiven by others. Yes. But not for as bad of choices and not one so well communicated and acted out. That friend stood in the face of my broken decision, accepted the pain, and then choose to act lovingly and keep no record of the wrong so as to be willing to still assume the best and continue in a friendship even though it means they will be hurt again.
In that moment I found freedom. Christ revealed himself through the body of Christ. My friend acted out the forgiveness of Christ for me. Now whenever regret overwhelms me, I remember God’s redemption through forgiveness, not just between God and man, but between men through Christ. This redemption and forgiveness of brokenness makes brokenness worth loving.
I can love life because love is perfect in brokenness.
With this story in mind, I think of one of my family friends, who loves the color purple. She is the one who loved mischievously in one of my previous posts. She is one of my good friends, and her whole family at that, I trust to stick by me no matter how weird I get. She isn’t perfect. She can be stubborn and a bit irritable at times, but I enjoy hanging out with her even when she isn’t acting perfectly. So as I ponder on Christ, and the family of Christ that teaches us and acts as Christ to us, I know exactly what color I would choose. Purple. Why? Because Ashley loves purple.
Life Worth Living: Purple vs Green part i
Life Worth Living: Purple vs Green part i
A life worth living is a life worth enjoying. The inverse is also true. A life worth enjoying is a life worth living. But I also assert that life enjoyed is part of life worth living.
I share honestly now, that I often have struggles with a Christian existentialism. Or at least, that is what I call it. Existentialism normally is the idea that everything you do is absurd and meaningless, but it is very important that you do it anyway. As a Christian, my struggle is to enjoy the vastness of Christ’ Creation, when it doesn’t seem to have any eternal significance. Souls are not being won to Jesus, so why bother? What benefit is it if I like purple instead of green? Why should I ice cream when I could satiate myself with broccoli? Why should I enjoy games when I could tell someone about Jesus.
Unfortunately this hasn’t had what would seem to be the logical outcome, I am the person who tells everyone he meets about Jesus. I am much to coy for that. I attempt to bring it up, but this attitude is marred by sin and so merely keeps me from enjoying life. I confess now that much of my writing is me trying to work out my own life and view of the world.
This is why I love the book of Ecclesiastes. He speaks so perfectly what I feel. Meaningless, meaningless, (like trying to catch smoke) is everything of life because it only lasts a moment. Throughout the book we are told that God has given man life to enjoy. But in chapter 2:26, just shortly after we are told to eat drink and be merry for God has given us this life, he says that this is meaningless, and striving after wind. It all seems hopeless.
But, I have hope. For at the end of the book it says that the sayings of the wise are given by one Shepherd. That one Shepherd is Jesus. He gives us wisdom, but also gives us redemption and life. Everything is meaningless because it will all be lost, the righteous perish and the wicked prosper, claims the writer. This is very true here and now. Wicked are blessed, righteous are punished.
The answer will never come in this life. The answer to these ills only comes when Jesus returns and brings justice and eternal life to the world. In Him there is hope of broken relationships mended, lost family reunited, sickness taken away, and life lived eternally in God’s presence.
But until then, I still find myself asking, “Why enjoy purple over green?”
Life Worth Living: Mischievous Love
On an Excellent Life
We as Christians are given two commandments, to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and to love your neighbor. This is the standard that we have of a life well lived, how well we love God and love other people. Loving God includes, loving other people, and obeying his commands. For, “Those who love me, obey my commandments.”
The simple part is often understanding God’s commandments. Do not let improper speech come from your mouth, be kind, keep no record of wrong, and others. But applying these is difficult. Seeing the connection between a good blessed life and obeying God’s commands is more difficult, that will be the topic for my next blog post.
The second piece is loving other people. My encouragement for living a life worth living is learning to love creatively, intently, and fiercely.
Loving creatively could be hiding surprises all over some ones house, like army men, chocolates, or flowers, for someone to find. It could be leaving a recording of a love message for them to find. You could: draw their favorite activity (even if it is stick figures), compliment something no one gets complimented on, like their elbows, or make them some food. Most importantly, you should do something that points them towards Christ, because the greatest good for everyone is Christ. You can do nothing greater for a fellow person than to bring them one step closer to the creator.
Love intently. Even if you don’t feel like it. Just do it. Be intentional. Plan. Base the idea upon who the person is. Think of their struggles and their joys, connect the act of love to that. God is pleased with water for a child, and he is also pleased with a gift in love.
Love fiercely. Here I have the pleasure of a story. It would be better titled love stubbornly, but it works here.
I was hanging out with a group of friends one day and we decided to get yogurt. As the eight of us crowded into the yogurt shop, one of our friends, who we saw rarely, mentioned he would like something but had no money. When Ashley offered to pay for it, Jeremy was quick to deny the offer. The banter went back and forward for some time. “Well what if we split something?” she pushed. He finally agreed. Then the bantering continued as she tried to pick out flavors he would like. They were last in line, and when they came and sat down at our table, she took the first sweet bite. “Yum.” Then put her spoon down. “I am done”
“What?” Came Jeremy’s reply.
“Yeah, there I had a bite. We shared. You can have the rest.”
So love fiercely, stubbornly, and as I learned from one of my favorite people, sometimes with just a bit of mischievousness.
God’s Leading
Living life for God includes being able to discern the path that he has for you. This includes listening to his Spirit and paying close attention to the details around you. I am all for both, but am skeptical at times of our ability to interpret events and the leading of his Spirit. Often we are forced to discern between what may be the Lord speaking to us, and whatever we just had for lunch, or hormones. Often we are wrong, much like the young man who believes that God is telling him to marry the pretty girl next to Him.
When it comes to interpreting events, we are usually no better. Events must be interpreted and last I checked, I am not perfect. However interpret we must. My recommendation is that when in doubt, assume that God is at work. What he is working towards though, is clearly laid out in Scripture. He is working us towards doing good, serving others, and performing acts of love and redemption. Our focus should be on what we know is true from Scripture first, everything else is secondary. However, there are times when asking for a sign can have important results.
I remember one time in my life where I was for whatever reasons distraught and seeking the peace of the Lord. I was most likely going through my regular and routine midlife crisis where I realized I seem to not yet be like a movie hero. So after reading the Scripture and praying, I asked God for a sign. I walked outside on a brisk fall afternoon. Our front driveway is circular and on either side there is a thick hedge of trees. The sun cast dancing shadows as a light wind rustles the leaves. Right in one of theses shadows on the right side of the driveway, a snow white dove, a rare siting where I live, landed in the driveway.
I was elated and reminded of the doves representation of peace. I was thankful that God in this instance answered my prayers and gave me a very visible reason to trust in his peace. As I watched the dove just sit there in the driveway, I walked out off of our porch towards it, to see how long it would stay. As I slowly walked towards it, a falcon slipped out of one of the trees and sunk its talons into the small white dove. I watched in horror as the falcon began to dismember and eat my sign of peace right before my eyes. For a minute or so the falcon picked at the bird, until finally it flew up into a far away tree, dropping feathers as it went, to eat my peace.
I still have no idea what that means.
Be careful what you ask for, and even more careful what you attribute to God. But know that if you want to live your life well, you must know what is sure, the truth of Scripture.
Life worth living
I am starting a new series on life worth living, with a few random posts fitted in there as well. This is the first one, with many to follow that all point towards my goal of, “Inspiring life”
One of the fears of a good friend of mine is, “living a mediocre life”. I never grew up with this fear. I always imagined grandiose visions of excellence for God’s kingdom. I imagined spreading the gospel to the wealthy, to every one of my coworkers, speaking to thousands, and possibly being a martyr. Even still I dream of running a home where several married couples all live together so that they can adopt many children and have direct support of other married couples.
The communal aspect of having other like minded people, would, of course, move everyone forward towards always being aware of the need to live passionately for God. Furthermore, I had the dream that having a spouse to fight for and with for the sake of God would motivate a life worth living.
I have in the past week realized this is a dreamy ideal. A life worth living is not motivated by people around you, even if they help, or by a spouse. It is solely between me and God. I have complete control of my choices towards, or away from a life worth living. God is always willing to provide the grace to make that so.
I choose whether or not I go out of my way to help others, join a ministry, get involved at church, and choose the path less travelled. I also choose whether or not I pray fervently for the changing power of the Holy Spirit. I know at times we do not feel like doing good or sacrificing for others, but Christ’ power is manifested by His Spirit that he gives freely. So if you want to live a great life, do so. And make sure that your hope for a great life is placed in God, and not in others around you.
Thought of the Day
The Thoughts of The Day
“Man is no greater than the greatest thought of his day” Therefore the greatest day we can have is one of God. When we think and imagine who God is, then we are thinking of what is the creator of perfection and redemption for the rest of the world we live in.
The depth of our lives is defined by how well we take that image of God and apply it to the world around us. This requires us to know who God is and understand how we take his identity and apply it to our daily lives. This requires a knowledge of Scripture and a connection between our world and Scripture.
Unfortunately it isn’t always obvious that the world that Scripture is talking about is the exact same one that we see, taste, touch and smell. It seems disconnected and removed. And it would be if it had not been for the Word becoming flesh and living along side of us. So I encourage you this day to think of the highest thought of the day. God having such mercy and compassion in the face of brokenness to come, experience it as one of us and taking all of what is wrong with the world on himself.
Broken Crowns 