Challenging Questions of the Heart: “Are People Worth It?” part ii

Previously I shared how a friend of mine that I had poured hours of my time and energy into told me that no one showed that they cared. It was as though he did not even see me. I also know that I was not the only one giving him time and energy. But his eyes were blind, he needed to see clearly.

Seeing people as worth it involves being able to see them as ones made in the image of God, one who if we saw them in their true nature would inspire in us awe that we have not known, which will be the topic of my next post. But for now we must also make sure that we relate with others wholly and not allow our culture to short circuit our ability to love and be loved. My friend wanted something, connection, but had learned to only see it in certain ways. Personally I think he really wanted a romantic relationship, so all other forms of love were missed.

One of the problems with our relationships is that we have been tempered by our society to, “have it your way,” the hashtag of Burger King. We have been taught since we were little that we were special and unique. Advertising caters to this desire to be special and receive special products. Chicken Soup for the (insert any market that has money and wants to feel special) soul. So when it comes to love, we want it our way.

As smart Christians, we do this a little bit better than the advertising gurus, or at least that is what we tell ourselves. The Five Love Languages teaches us how to cater how we love to others and how to ask to have love catered to us. This instills in us a desire for life and relationships to be a certain way. If we have something outside of that it is a problem that needs to be fixed with more self-help books. Combine that with no societal trained ideal of “choosing to be content” and a constant desire for more and you have a natural bent to desire to be loved in a very specific way without being content with other alternatives.

As people who are servants of Christ, we need to be able to reach out to others where they are at. Step into their shoes and do what we can to love others on their terms. However on the same token, we must also be willing to accept love, and choose to be content with it when it doesn’t look the way we want to. I personally am not into stuff. I don’t like stuff. I would be happy if I had almost nothing. However if a friend gets me a gift, I need to be able to see that it says, “I love you” and drink it up even if it isn’t my cup of coffee, but tea instead.

Challenging Questions of The Heart: “Are People Worth It?” part i

Over the last several years I have been asking myself the question, “Are People Worth It?” Are they worth the time I put into them? Are they even worth having relationships with? I don’t ask this question in relation to specific individuals. Most of my close trusted friends are most definitely worth it. I have relationships with them that I trust and have patiently put time into being trustworthy and trusting them. I ask this question about humanity in general.

When I was growing up, I never asked this question. I loved and had faith in everyone I met. When I was in college I had several friends that I gave many late hours, and several letter grades in two classes for that all told me, “No one has done or cared for me.” I remember the exact conversation, where I was standing, where my friend was sitting. Several days after that conversation, I began to question whether it was all worth it. I know other people who have large communities around them trying to help them, and they make seemingly no progress. Are they worth it? For several years I have been answering that question, no. I lost faith in people.

I often hear current ‘wisdom’ telling us that we need to have boundaries with these people. We need to keep our time because we are not being responsible with our time if it is not showing fruit. That is a really nice way of saying some people just aren’t worth your time. Are their times when some people literally are using you for their needs? Yes. But we should keep boundaries with them not because they are not worth our time, but because “helping them” is not helping them.

The act of judging whether or not people are “worth” our time is fairly arrogant. We don’t know the depths of the human heart, or what even goes on in others heads. We will never know on this side of eternity weather or not our actions saved someone from depression, gave them hope, or prevented suicide—even if we don’t see growth.

As someone only human, I am exasperated when I do not see fruit from my labor of love. (Though I must be careful that I love the person, not the labor itself). I want to see people grow and become better people. I want to know that I helped them through rough times. But I must resist letting that desire become the goal. I must love people regardless of how they respond. How much has Christ loved us and done for us without us growing in fruit for long periods of time? Christ says that others are worth it, even when I can’t see it.

A bit of hope for change

Recently Kim the author of the blog GivenBreath wrote a “Dear girls” letter to young women on Facebook who occasionally lack judgment in the pictures they post. Her letter is rather harsh, and unforgiving of any mistakes a young lady may make. Albeit, it is still her voice and her right to express it. However, what is cool is that part of the original post included recent summer photos of her family, and her boys at the beach. As boys at the beach, they were wearing swimsuits and no shirts. Which considering her disgust at young ladies posting racy pictures of themselves on Facebook, was rather hypocritical. Especially since from her post it seemed as though her boys were wearing less than the girls she was talking to.

She changed her post. After several of her readers wrote in expressing this concern, she listened and changed the photos that went with her post. Although I still think her post is a bit harsh and does not carry with it the grace and mercy that it should, she still listened and corrected a conflict in her thinking and actions.

Normally I do not post on issues that are this trivial, but it is nice to see people be open and willing to change their choices and actions in order to be more consistent. Furthermore as one who wants to change other peoples minds it reminds me of how our voices and opinions can make a difference in others lives. So to all of you who continually write in to editors, bloggers, and comment on posts and news articles. Keep writing. Write kindly, sincerely and with critical thought and pray for the best.

Sweet Cakes Bakery

Recently a couple who ran a bakery in Gresham Oregon has been forced to close after they refused to bake a cake for a lesbian couple. After harassment, death threats, and the loss of business they were forced to move their business home and homeschool their kids.

I am completely in favor of boycotts of businesses. If you don’t like a business’s practices, don’t shop there. I don’t know how many times I hear people complain about stores and services that they use all the time because it is convenient and good. If we really believed a business was bad, we wouldn’t do business with them even if it means we have to do without. Which, enough people believed that their bakery was not good to use and they closed down.

However, there are severe problems with the label and harassment that they received. Shall we harass people who harass people to show that harassment is wrong? May it never be. Martin Luther King Junior always acted with respect and kindness even when imprisoned, not just refused a service. The way he fought for rights should be the standard to which we are all looking to today.

One way in which culture needs to be changed is the way in which we boycott and press our opinions on others. We must do so respectfully and tactfully in ways that are in accordance with common law. Pickets, are common ways to show protest so long as they do not involve scare tactics, sharking, etc. Picketers should also be polite and kind to all attenders of the business. The goal is to communicate and show an issue to the public and to try to persuade them, but to allow them to make up their own mind, not harass people into believing the same way.

I look forward to the day when we will see people gracefully boycotting boycotts that are ungracious. I never condone mean and cruel behavior, just as I don’t condone the practices of Westboro Baptist Church, I do not condone those who harass to get there way. I do condone those who simply choose not to put their money where their beliefs are. Which means by the same token, the businesses have the right not to put their services where their beliefs are not.

Instant Gratification and Relationships

This blog is short because it has been on my mind, but I am not very adept at the topic, so I want to know what you think.

US culture has a systemic problem with immediate gratification. This issue goes beyond ADD. We desire instant gratification in all areas. We can get our relationship fix through Facebook chat updates. Text someone or call them immediately. Magazine adds advertise, “Six pack abs in one week,” “Summer body in 5 weeks or less!” “Develop monetary freedom today!” and on and on.

Most disturbing to me is the instant gratification desired in relationships. We can get our relationship fix through Facebook chat updates. Text someone or call them immediately. We do not have a tempered patience or commitment to go alongside our relationships. This can cause the quickly moving and changing relationships that are usually painful and sad and not fulfilling. When we are no longer getting our ‘fix’ from the relationship, we move on to the next one. We want the gratification of friendship now. I fear for the generation that does not understand the long term commitment of lifelong friends.

What do you think are the problems that arise out of relationships that are based out of a now gratification?

“Love Your Neighbor”

There is a temptation in Christian circles to give into the current self-improvement focus of the surrounding culture. Many advertisements, books, lessons, and movies portray becoming a better person by focusing on the self is a primary goal in life. “Be the best you” “Ten ways to better yourself today” “Learn to break off inhibiting relationships” “workout towards the best you” “Meet the new you” are all common phrases, and all of them are counter biblical.

Many advocates of a biblical focus on the self will argue that according to the golden commandment, “Love your neighbor as yourself” that we must first learn to love ourselves before we can love others. The logic is that if we do not love ourselves then we cannot love others. This is further taken to argue that we have to develop ourselves and grow as a person in able to help others. The first assertion is plain wrong, and the second needs qualifiers.

The commandment to, “Love your neighbor as yourself” is a direct command phrase, followed by a clause. The command is, “love your neighbor” the clause, “as yourself” is a qualifying phrase that gives us an example of how to fulfill the first command. It is not a path through which we must first travel to get to the first.

Furthermore the principle of self-love before love of the other is not a major theme in Scripture. I can’t think of a verse off the top of my head that speaks to that, other than the admonition to the elders in Ephesians to, “Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers.” (Acts 20:28). However, this keep watch is in reference to the next verse where Paul tells them that, “I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock.” So in context Paul is telling them to guard themselves against incoming attacks, and not an urge for them to watch over themselves first.

In Philippians Paul tells us to be humble like Christ, who “made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant,” and hopes to send Timothy to the Philippians soon because he has no one else who takes a general interest in their welfare.

Also in the Hebrew Scriptures the focus on the character of God is his lovingkindness and compassion and forgiveness from generation to generation. No mention is ever made of God loving himself first. The dominant theme of Scripture is the love of the other, and not of the self. We as we seek to be like Scripture must make sure that we are emphasizing what Scripture emphasizes. We must emphasize the love of the other.

Marriage and Values

As the arguments over homosexuality continue, I wish to continue the advancement of good biblically founded views on marriage. As I argued in my previous post, “Christians Response to Homosexuality,” we as Christians should never argue that homosexuality degrades our own marriages. Our lack of commitment, love, and value of marriage degrades our own marriages. Therefore, I hope to share a few thoughts on the importance of marriage.

Our current culture teaches us that marriage is at best, a neutral choice. Television series, advertisements, and t-shirts all communicate that marriage is a burden. Once married you have the, “ball and chain,” it is now, “game over,” and your freedom of doing whatever you want is over. (The issue of freedom is another cultural idol I will speak on later).

Gene Simmons on his reality show avoids at all costs the “M” word, although it looks like in all practicality, he is committed. (The pun there being a demonstration of small ways in which we make comments that devalue marriage.) All of the couples on television that live together, but are not married, are presented as having the wonderful freeing capability to be able to leave as soon as the relationship starts going south.

Almost all instances of sex, or sexuality, are shown between unwed individuals. The rush of the moment and the thrill of something new is emphasized. Rarely is there the presentation of long married couples sharing any amount of fire. They are the old prudes.

Not only are most of the negative presentations of marriage stemming from an incorrect view of sex, but they also are counter Scriptural. Scripture presents marriage as part of the good creation of God, very good even. Marriage, or the, “one flesh,” is not just the sexual union, it is also the starting of a new family. Through the start of this new family, individuals fulfill the ordinance of being fruitful, multiplying and filling the earth.

In the Greek Scriptures, marriage represents the relationship of Christ and the church. We are to act in ways that show Christ’ relationship to the church. In all, marriage is very important to God. Because of the constant attacks on the importance of marriage, I make it a point to try and abstain from all marriage jokes. True, our marriages should be stronger than that, but the jewel of marriage on the Church’s crown is rather dull right now. We will need to work hard to bring back its luster.

Being like Christ Emulating God

There is an odd dichotomy in the Christian community. Often, we are told and tell others to be like Christ, but we are also always made well aware that we are sinful and can never be perfect. I believe that this is part of the reason why when asked who we want to be like, we always qualify, “Other than Jesus.” We all know that Jesus should be our answer. But I know very few people who can honestly say that at the forefront of their imagination.

In addition, I believe that we have problems relating with Christ not just because of his perfection, but because we have forgotten how to read. When we read Scriptures, we don’t know how we fit into the picture. We can’t imagine it as being real.

Christ suffered. He was ridiculed. He felt sadness. He cried when his followers did not understand the truth. He was anguished. He was a person. We seem to keep his infinite power and knowledge at the forefront of our minds, and not his humanity. Furthermore, we remember the stories of Scripture as a lesson, and forget to remember them as a story.

For example, when we want to be like Christ, be like God, we should look at how he responded and acted in certain events. Christ acted with compassion on the sick. At times he was in the middle of trying to get away from the crowds, but felt compassion and stayed to help them.

In the Hebrew Scriptures, we see stories that exhibit God’s patience. When the Israelites were saved from Egypt, they complained that they would be killed. God saved them. Then they complained about water, then food, then the kind of food. God patiently provided for them even when they were whining.

If we remember events as stories, and then call these stories to mind when we need that quality that will be much more effective than just telling ourselves to be more patient. We can think to ourselves, “Okay God, you were patient with the Israelites, please help me to be patient with my, spouse/sibling/children/friends/enemies.”

Know the stories that God tells, and that will show you how to emulate God.

Fathers Day

Today is father’s day. This means that for many churches the subject of the sermons will be about our heavenly Father. Unfortunately, for many churches that focus on the interpersonal psychological relationship that people have with God, they will focus on how God is not like your earthly Father. “Your earthly father is angry. God is not. Your father is flawed, God is not,” Etc.

Although many of these statements may be true, that God is not many of the negative characteristics of our earthly fathers, the focus is entirely wrong. We do not define God by what he is not—at least not primarily. We know who God is because of who he is.

I know from Scripture that God is patient. Read the accounts following God delivering the Israelites form Egypt and you will see his long suffering patience. God rescues them. They whine that they are going to die of thirst. So he gives them water. They whine that they will die without food. He gives them the miraculous Manna. They whine that it is bland. He gives them quail. They whine about to much meat and on and on. God is patient.

God is faithful. What he promises he brings about. He anoints David as king, and David eventually becomes king. He promises the Messiah, and the Messiah has come. Again and again, God’s word is faithful.

It is true that at times we can see what God is not. He is not abusive. But even with psychology, we get a lot farther with our lives by focusing what is true, what can be done, what will happen then by what didn’t happen, what should have occurred, and what is wrong with the world.

So this fathers day, focus on who your heavenly Father is, not who he is not.

Influence of Culture

I write a blog that analyzes culture. Which is ironic, because I know and will try to convince you, that we learn best through stories rather than well thought out (or not so well thought out) arguments. Our thoughts, values, and opinions are formed more by all of the passive messages that we come across every day than by a conscious decision to believe a certain way. If we continually watch movies that portray masculinity and manhood as beating up bad guys, then we will start to think that way. If we watch movies that always portray women as damsels in distress that will begin to affect how we think about women.

George Lucas was well aware of this, he says, “I’ve always tried to be aware of what I say in my films, because all of us who make motion pictures are teachers — teachers with very loud voices.” In Star Wars, he shows us the journey of a boy into manhood. That journey includes risking one’s life to save others, and making the right choices even when they have consequences. George Lucas portrays evil as something that is a choice. One chooses the light side or the dark side.

These messages don’t only come through movies though. We learn how to think through advertisements, the news, billboards, (heaven forbid) bumper stickers, magazines, pictures, memes and any other mode of communication. Everything carries a message. What are you learning?

All media teaches us how we should think and live. Not all of them are of a biblical worldview though. This is why we must again be able to say, “Yes…. But” We affirm what is correct, and deny what is not. What messages do you see Hollywood telling us that are correct? What do you hear them saying that is false?